Anniversary
by Suffering Angel
Summary: It's been one year since Teddy lost his mother - one year exactly.


I don't own YA.

Warning: Based on personal experience

* * *

_**Anniversary**_

The mobile device by the bed burst to life, vibrating and spewing out sounds almost demandingly, announcing its existence. One minute, two, and it fell silent, like a predatory animal, waiting for the next chance to strike at its prey. It was partially successful, as one of the two bodies on the bed began to stir, letting out sounds to indicate its dismay with being awake.  
He borrowed deeper under the covers for a moment before he reached for the phone. He let out a somewhat startled gasp once he saw the time, but relaxed the next moment once he regained a semblance of clarity.  
Right; they weren't _late_, just intentionally slept in. Because that day was… _special_. Billy had no other way to put it - it was _special_, for better - and worse.  
He carefully sat up and turned to look at his bed-mate, who was still unmoving, save for the slow rising and falling of his chest. Billy narrowed his eyes before leaning closer, hand resting on a muscular arms and lips pressing gently against a temple.  
He remained like this for a moment more before he pushed himself out of bed, leaving his partner tucked in comfortably.

"Oh, good mo-" Rebecca greeted in the hallway, but Billy held a finger to his lips and closed the door behind him with his free hand.

"I want to let him sleep in a bit more." He explained, and earned himself a sympathetic smile.

"Preferable, but… won't you boys be late?"

A bitter snarl twisted her son's face.  
"Given the circumstances? I don't think we _can_ be."

They couldn't, so the teen left inside the bedroom curled further up under the blankets, ignoring the world as best he could. He barely slept at all, yet still saw no point in rising, for the day held very little in store for him.  
That day marked the one year anniversary of the death of Sarah Altman, a fact her son was still struggling to cope with. Teddy had no motivation whatsoever to greet the day, and would've wiped it out of the calendar if he could. Reality manipulation was his boyfriend's trade, however, and so finally Teddy pushed himself up, if only to be done with it.

–

They took the subway, even though Billy suggested he magiced them over whenever they were ready. The offer was welcomed, and Teddy knew he looked like he hadn't slept in ages, but still he refused. Billy said nothing, only nodded and collected his things, and they were off.  
Teddy said very little, and spoke less the closer they got to their destination. Billy tried to make up for it, talking about random things and even going as far as narrating the ride. He did so for a short while after Teddy stopped being able to smile even faintly at him, at which point Billy fell silent as well.  
The number of free seats in the cart allowed for only one of them to sit down, and as Billy insisted Teddy did so, he now had the blond leaning against him, head pressed against Billy's chest. Teddy's eyes focused on a random point between himself and the other end of the cart, and then closed altogether when he felt Billy's hand in his hair. He let out one shuddering breath before he wrapped an arm around Billy's waist. A lump formed in his throat, but he insistently ignored it.  
He wasn't ready to cry. Not yet.

–

They walked the short distance from the subway station to the mansion in silence, with Billy's hand gripped tightly in Teddy's. The hold was stronger than usual, and yet there was a lack of presence to it, as though Teddy would let go and drift away any minute. It made Billy hold back tighter, and he wasn't surprised that when Teddy looked at him, there was no smile waiting for him there - only exhaustion and gratitude.  
Finally they stood before the large, sculptured gate, their eyes set on the majestic "A"-shaped emblem resting at the top. It was usually a symbol of hope and pride, something to look up to figuratively as well as symbolically.  
Teddy lowered his gaze and kept it there. He remained unmoving, and wondered when Billy would call him out on it. It took longer than he thought, and knew not whether or not to be thankful for it.

"We don't- we don't _have_ to, Teddy." Billy whispered, a sound that was almost drowned by the commotion of the city.  
Teddy weighed the options, felt the knot in his throat tighten, and walked into the courtyard.

–

The road to the memorial garden wasn't easy, but it was only about as difficult as Teddy thought it'd be. The mansion wasn't abandoned, and so they were greeted on their way in, asked how they were, teased about their long faces. Billy sent a brief glance at Teddy, one that wasn't returned. Instead, Teddy squeezed his hand more tightly for a moment before he let go. He didn't wait to hear what Billy told them, and instead made his way towards the garden.  
There was a pause, a wavering when he stood before the glass door leading out from the building, and then another before he stepped from the veranda to the grass.

With every step he took, he felt more out of breath, and he kept his eyes pointedly on the ground. A step, and another, until finally he came to a stop, not seeing the point in walking further. His fists clenched and unclenched at his sides, his breath coming out in rugged, labored pants.  
It was about here he stood last year, too…

He sat down heavily, shoulders slumped and head bowed down, a hand pressed over his face.

Not even the sound of the glass door opening behind him moved him, and he remained still even when he heard feet stepping over the grass. He knew who it was - there was only one person it could've been.

Billy kneeled down in front of him, yet kept a semblance of distance.  
Teddy couldn't look up. He refused to let Billy see him like that, with his teeth digging into his lower lip as he tried to keep the sounds inside, with his nose running, with the tears that ran down his cheeks.  
He didn't want to let Billy see because then Billy would comfort him - it's what Billy did, what Billy _always_ did when Teddy needed him, but Teddy didn't _want_ to need him. He didn't want to hurt like this, didn't want to admit there was this gnawing hole in his chest that kept festering, that could so easily suck in every other emotion and extinguish it, that could never again be filled, because the person who used to be there was… dea—

A choked gasp left him when a hand rested on his cheek, and Teddy looked up despite himself. Billy was there, but he wasn't smiling. He wasn't trying to cheer him up, or tell him to be strong. There was gentleness ruling over the familiar features, and warmth, and so much sadness Teddy was sure he could burst.

And then - he did.

He didn't even try to define the sound that left him, and it left him just the same, even when he had his face pressed against Billy's shoulder. He let Billy hold him, with Teddy's own hands moving one to hold onto Billy's shirt while the other covered Teddy's mouth. More sounds followed, the kind he felt welling in his chest too often over the past year. Piling, suffocating, demanding and choking, he never once let them out, swallowing them as one would after gagging.  
Not now. Sheltered from the world in his beloved's arms, Teddy let it out. It was almost a wailing, one that started low, almost embarrassed, as his emotions were finally given an outlet. It soon became the breaking of the dam, and his voice left him without his consent, hollow, broken howls that tore out from the center of his being. His eyes were shut tightly, and still the tears flowed freely, falling down his cheeks and chin and down towards the ground. The hold around him tightened, and he let himself go limp, leaning more of his weight against Billy, who stood steady.  
Billy never moved, never budged, offering Teddy the physical support he needed, hands moving constantly in wide circles over Teddy's back. Then there were words, a soft stream of sounds that made little sense over Teddy's cries, and still Teddy clung to them, letting Billy's voice fill his mind, soothe him, and he cried out with even greater abandon.

And then - there was silence. A fragile stillness that settled over them once Teddy's voice gave way, and his tears had mostly dried up. He moved not, staying there in the safety of Billy's embrace, his lover's face in his hair. There was a moistness there that was telling, and an untold comfort in knowing Teddy didn't cry alone.

Finally he let go of Billy's shirt, moving that arm instead to wrap around Billy's waist. The other hand he kept over his lips, as though hoping to muffle the words he finally cried enough to utter.

"I miss her, Billy…" Teddy admitted, his words choked and voice hoarse and small. He bit his tongue, as though not to say anymore, but it was too late. The words tore out of his lips on their own.

"I miss her so much!"

The tears began again, flowing as though he didn't feel dry a moment ago. Billy nodded silently, and pressed his lips to the corner of Teddy's eye.

"I know, Tee…" He whispered, the best he could without letting his voice tremble. He pulled Teddy closer against him again, and let him hold on as tightly as he felt the need to.  
"I know."


End file.
